Elizabeth Antoinette.

Getting all babely for my trip home today. Hell, I might even wear some lipstick.

Overheard myself described yesterday as “That quiet girl. You know who I’m talking about, the brown girl with the crazy hair and all those bananas?”

The other day someone tried to insult me by calling me “too zen”… I had to laugh. Mission accomplished. ;)

I used to be a fighter. A grudge-holder. An “I’m going to shout at you until you get the point because I’m angry and it’s my right to tell you about it!” kind of gal. Notice I said I used to be…

I was raised by some fiery, hot-tempered people. I love my family for their to-the-point, no bullshit attitudes regarding relationships and personal interactions; I believe standing up for yourself is extremely important! Letting someone know when they’ve done something to upset you can be healthy and cathartic!

However, shouting in someone’s face is disrespectful and counterproductive, no matter how justified it may feel at the time. It took some real contemplation and growing up on my part to recognize the difference between those two kinds of behavior, and a heated shouting match with a loved one yesterday to remind me of all the work I still have to do.

Faced with decisions so big, I feel powerless and dwarfed in the shadow of them. Flexing my selflove muscles and growing bigger in the face of adversity. As I struggle I grow stronger.

I don’t enjoy talking about myself and refuse to discuss others’ business. I’ve found this leaves me with very little to talk to most people about.

ea365poetryproject:

I’ve done horrid things
Despicable things,
You wouldn’t believe
Selfish things, reproachable
Things, I was greedy-
And thieving, when
It was needed of me, so
Cunning and brilliant, s’pose
There’s worse things to be.

Elizabeth Antoinette, 33/365

Just had an experience that evolved my soul like, 10 whole levels. Bringing my own mistakes to light and accepting accountability. It’s difficult to do but in the end it feels damn good!

Cooking up loaded veggie dogs, baked beans and peanut butter shakes for dinner because it’s been one of those days and my weary heart could use a nice treat.. The past month has exhausted me completely, both in spirit and in body. It’ll be nice when things settle down and I can catch my breath for a second. Some huge, I’m talking like, REALLY huge changes are happening in my life right now (not a topic I want to delve in to, thanks for respecting my privacy). I’m just trying to keep my chin up and stay levelheaded. Sometimes the only path out of a shitty situation is straight on through it.

Upon graduating HS I was presented with two awards: “best last-ditch effort to graduate” from my teachers and also “most likely to run sports illustrated” voted on by my peers. Still not sure what to make of that. lol

I wish I had a friend I could text anytime and just say “girl, I’m struggling. I need help.” But I don’t, and so here I am, metabolizing all of this bullshit alone… Maybe, in the end, all of this will make me a stronger person. Here’s hoping.

Made a new cannabis-centric instagram account: @el_kush
just sayin, you might be interested.. if that’s your thing.

- garlic popcorn
- a bottle of red wine
- raw coconut/banana ice cream
- stand-up comedians on Netflix

Ah, tis nice being one’s own best friend. Never a dull moment. xx

First morning run with my new (belated bday gift from my uncle Billy) vibrams… IN LOVE. But, holy calves! What a way to start the day. Yoga teaching all day, vegan grub cooking at Kitchen Dances all night… Bring it on, Thursday!